The incredible dumbness of being

One of my friends is getting married and e sent me his foto along with the would-be. The would-be was dressed in a traditional sari with all the jewels bedecknig her torso and even some sparles on her face.
She was a woman. A full-grown woman.
This unsettles me a bit. As much as a kid callnig me an uncle.
At 28, I still feel very young. My concept of girls is still the - backslapping, beer-mugs clinking and making-out in the back seats of an empty cinema hall- kind . A woman overwhelms me.

Every day I perhaps become more bitter or wiser (or probably both are the same thing), but there is this restlessness taht refuses to settle down. Inspite of the fact that each passing day makes the fact of my ultimate non-impact more obvious. But somewhere I still feel the fire. The only thing holding me back, and perhaps a generation is -
1. the fear of poverty (no matter how rich some pals are making it, I still feel this underlying fear very strongly, esp. in friends coming from middle class bkgrnd. )
2. unwarranted peer pressure (esp. strong for those graduating from "premier" institutes
3. the kind of unreal, hyper-hyped, over-paid corp. work taht we do that alienates us from true human reality and art

I see this gonig only two ways.

Either I will leave my MBA career and do something in the next couple of years.
Or, I will push my head deeper into the grinder and die silently.

A moment passes
An energy drains off
I sigh
I think it's gonig to be the latter