I turn 32

When I logged in this morning, I intended to do this as a spoof of a self-indulgent post I saw where the author preened and strutted about tid-bits about him(her)self on such an occasion.

Seemed like I was in another mood. But I am not one to grab at my thoughts once they have been left from the bow of my keyboard. (Any young writers watching: please spare the world such pitiful similes!)

32 thoughts

1. If I were in a movie, I would side with the villain.

2. If I have power, I become a tyrant.

3. I have a horror of torture. If threatened with one, I would squeal on anyone. But I have moments when I might not under any threat.

4. Nothing makes my day like a good tea and shite in the morning.

5. I like seeing people laugh.

6. I think kids are overrated. I wish I could say the same about sex.

7. I moan obscenities in my sleep.

8. I do not know myself.

9. I do not dig words like dig.

10. I am good at padding numbers and lists.

11. I am deeply sceptical yet hopelessly romantic.

12. A decade ago, I used to blush.

13. Sexual euphemisms amuse me; vulgar allusions disgust me. My wit abounds in both.

14. I find rapists more abominable than murderers.

15. I am not maturing gracefully.

16. My last grand discovery was the farting sound between my hands pressed to my mouth.

17. There is nothing in this world that I know to any considerable degree.

18. I have dreams of witnessing Nehru’s “Tryst with Destiny – to be followed by my dynasty” live; I see everyone in the grand hall nekked.

19. I am usually proved wrong.

20. I have been loved more than I loved; believed in more than I believe in myself.

21. Whenever I see pierced nipples, I want to yank them off.

22. I find my existence perplexing.

23. When I am dying, I would probably be thinking if I had been a good man.

24. I am fascinated by the way we remember and think. I read endlessly about it.

25. I have hurt too many people.

26. If I were to meet my doppelganger, I would take an intense dislike to him.

27. I meet people of whom I just remember an intimacy once but no details.

28. I was haunted by the character of Ms. Havisham when I was a child.

29. I stop listening when people raise their voices.

30. I respect sluts more than virgins.

31. I say things I mean and then immediately retract that I did not mean them.

32. I do not mean any of the above.