If I were the PM - 1

1. All news would, henceforth, be aired from only the state-owned service by Shakti Kapoor. The end of every news item would be marked by an "Aaaoooo".
2. Instead of the inane left-of-way or right-of-way ruletraffic flow will be converted to middle-of-way and side-of-the-middle ways. The rule will change at every crossing. Which mmeans that people driving on the middle of the road will have to shift to the sides and vice versa.
3. No movie having les than 30 minutes of nudity and 1 hour of blood-soaked violence will be passed. Only movies with 1 hour of blood-soaked violent nudity will be granted the Universal certificate.
4. Kick in the crotch would be deemed as a valid punishment for all cases of corruption. The no. of kicks would correspond to the amount of money siphoned. The kicks will be administered by grumpy Jat policemen who have just had a row with their wives followed by an incident of road-rage.
5. On the anniversary of every Miandad-six Sharjah, Chetan Sharma will be beaten mercilessly on the state television for 1 hour. After his death, the onus will pass on to the closest kin.